I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
