Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
