is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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