I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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