His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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