I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
