Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
