There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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