I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
