if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
