Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
