I faked an abortion last night.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
