Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
