So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
