I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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