I don't think brook has ever known best
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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