Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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