I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
