My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
