i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
