awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize