Having a random hookup so left but love u
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
