I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she pinky promised me she was 18
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
