Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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