I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
