I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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