I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Text me some of your sweat
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
