ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
