Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize