cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
