quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
