Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
