i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
