I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
