She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
