You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
