Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
