I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The uberlube is also flammable
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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