This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
