Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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