dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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