i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
