i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
