Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
