My first STD was from a foam party
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize