Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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