It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
worst night to have a conscience
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
