We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
