no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
