i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
