i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
