what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
