Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
