i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
