He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My ATM looks so different sober.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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