I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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