you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
