What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've blown a few things in my day
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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