so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
