i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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