Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
