Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize