Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
